Operation Bearded Sally*

DFan, one day, comes in to The Penthouse all upset.  No one can figure out why, until KStew comes up with a great idea.

KStew:  (Going over to DFan)  DFan, what's up?

DFan:  Nothing, go away.

KStew:  Can I get you a drink?

AGreen:  DO NOT GIVE HER A DRINK.  SHE'S DISTRESSED.

KStew:  Shut it AGreen, it'll relax her.

RPatz:  Agreed.  I mean seriously, look how chill I am all the time.

DFan:  No, it's cool I don't need a drink.  But maybe a good plan to kill this girl at my school.

AGreen:  KLutz, I told you those video games would have a bad affect on DFan...

KLutz:  Whatever, she knows that it's make believe.  

DFan:  I really do.  But listen guys.  There's this girl at my school.  And she wasn't ever my friend but as soon as she found out that I was in New Moon she started nagging me to get RPatz' autograph.  I told her that I wouldn't do it, so then she starts this rumor about how you all aren't even my friends.  I tried to tell her otherwise, but now everyone except my closest friends think you all are mean to me or something.

JRath:  For real?  I mean did you tell her about all of our fun parties and stuff?  

DFan:  She just won't believe it.  AND she keeps telling everyone that her and RPatz are like besties because she's Team Edward and Edward's biggest fan and my "best friend." 

AGreen:  DFan, I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding.  Can't you just work it out politely with a school counselor or something?

KStew:  AGreen, I'm sure that DFan's school counselors are completely adequate, but dealing with crazies means war.  

TLaut:  YEAH.  Let's give her what she wants.  A convo with RPatz.  And then when she least expects it, well BREAK.  HER.  HEART.

They all go about coming up with a plan, yes, even AGreen came around.  It first involved an e-mail. 

RPatz has recently been sporting a beard, and well DFan was informed by this girl (we'll call her Sally) that she HATES beards.  So a mysterious e-mail arrives in Sally's inbox, with a note saying that if she doesn't quit bugging DFan, RPatz will grow a beard that's longer than Rip Van Winkle's.

She obviously didn't understand the reference, because she wrote back that she thought even RPatz looked hot in a beard.

Damn, they all thought.  So they came up with a better plan.

This plan first involved DFan pretending to befriend Sally (she's an actress, she can handle it) and getting her phone number.  Then this occurred, on the night of the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon.  RPatz was a member, and the rest of the gang was ready to put Operation Bearded Sally into action.  

RPatz:  (Making a phone call)  Sally?  This is RPatz calling from the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon.

Sally:  (Starts screaming upon hearing RPatz)  OMG!! I'm in love with you!!! And Edward!!!

RPatz hangs up.  Sally freaks out, and calls the number back immediately.  Someone else picks up.

TLaut:  Sally.  I seriously don't understand how you could be Team Edward, when Jacob is most definitely the better choice.  This is TLaut by the way.

Sally:  (Whining)  But where did RPatz go?  I wanted to talk to him.

TLaut:  Really?  I thought you wouldn't care because I heard that you and RPatz were, what was it?  "Besties?"

Sally:  Who told you that?

JRath and AGreen:  He heard it through one of us.

Sally:  Who's that?

KStew:  (Choosing her words wisely)  Anyway, Edward is mine.  MINE.

Sally:  (Getting nervous)  Bella?  I mean KStew?!?!?  What's going on?!?

TLaut:  You really thought that we weren't her friends?  How stupid are you? 

KLutz:  You just leave our little DFan alone.  Because we know where you are.  Right now. 

She hung up out of fear.  DFan went to school and the girl didn't bother her again.  She doesn't even plan on going to see Eclipse.  Ever.

*Her name may or may not have been changed. 

Saturday Night Live.

As many of you probably know, TLaut was the host of SNL this past weekend. He was pretty good. Obviously the cast decided to watch together, because they like to "support" each other.

(After the show)
TLaut: So what d'ya guys think? I mean I was pretty awesome, let's be honest.

All of them in general: Nice. Pretty good. Eh...

KStew: So how did they get you to keep your shirt on the whole time? We know that your favorite pastime is taking your shirt off.

TLaut: Yeah, I wanted to, like in my opening talk and all, but they figured that the audience would be in awe. That people might be fainting and stuff..

*Snickers*

DFan: I for one thought you did a nice job, TLaut. I really liked how you stood up to TSwift and all. That was pretty cool.

AGreen: DFan, you weren't supposed to be watching!! That was way past your bedtime!! Honestly, doesn't anyone pay attention to her bedtime anymore?

KLutz: Cool it, AGreen. I let her watch because she promised to give me an extra couple of hours with my video games.

AGreen: Were you ever good at following rules, KLutz?

RPatz: (Strumming his guitar) AGreen, if DFan is old enough to drink, she's old enough to watch a little late night tv.

AGreen: SHE IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK!

TLaut: Let's get back to me, guys!! I mean I hosted SNL. Pretty much the coolest ever.

RPatz: The only part I liked was when my face was shown. I always knew you were Team Edward, TLaut. I only wish they had mentioned something about Harry Potter. I mean Cedric...

KStew: Cool it with the Harry Potter stuff! God! We know how much you love yourself in HP. And TLaut, you stay away from him in real life...

TLaut: I'm not promising anything. And I'm not Team Edward, I was just playing a part.

JRath: Just like that Sinter Claus skit, eh? You were a pretty good singer and dancer. And I liked that sparkly green vest. I mean I thought you were straight...

TLaut: I AM! (Flaunts his abs towards the ladies) For reals. I'm just a badass. And I thought that you all understood that this was just a show.

KStew: Whatever. I don't really care.

RPatz: Yeah, I mean, I was playing my guitar for most of the show anyways. And we know how much I like my guitar. Almost as much as playing piano. And singing. And watching Harry Potter...

AGReen: I for one thought you did a lovely job, TLaut. I think that it was very nice of the people at SNL to invite you to host, and you did a great job. I really feel like we should all be congratulating TLaut.

KLutz: (From across the room) Will you all just shut up? I'm trying to beat this stupid Harry Potter game.

JRath: What happened to COD?

KLutz: I beat it. Twice. I was bored. And RPatz gave this to me for free a few weeks ago.

KStew: (Clearly talking about RPatz) What a narcissicist...

TLaut: Hello people, I'm over here...


*Sorry that it's been so long between posts, but I broke my leg this weekend. And since it was my turn and all, it just took me a little time to get this written. But I hope you enjoy it!