Operation Bearded Sally*

DFan, one day, comes in to The Penthouse all upset.  No one can figure out why, until KStew comes up with a great idea.

KStew:  (Going over to DFan)  DFan, what's up?

DFan:  Nothing, go away.

KStew:  Can I get you a drink?

AGreen:  DO NOT GIVE HER A DRINK.  SHE'S DISTRESSED.

KStew:  Shut it AGreen, it'll relax her.

RPatz:  Agreed.  I mean seriously, look how chill I am all the time.

DFan:  No, it's cool I don't need a drink.  But maybe a good plan to kill this girl at my school.

AGreen:  KLutz, I told you those video games would have a bad affect on DFan...

KLutz:  Whatever, she knows that it's make believe.  

DFan:  I really do.  But listen guys.  There's this girl at my school.  And she wasn't ever my friend but as soon as she found out that I was in New Moon she started nagging me to get RPatz' autograph.  I told her that I wouldn't do it, so then she starts this rumor about how you all aren't even my friends.  I tried to tell her otherwise, but now everyone except my closest friends think you all are mean to me or something.

JRath:  For real?  I mean did you tell her about all of our fun parties and stuff?  

DFan:  She just won't believe it.  AND she keeps telling everyone that her and RPatz are like besties because she's Team Edward and Edward's biggest fan and my "best friend." 

AGreen:  DFan, I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding.  Can't you just work it out politely with a school counselor or something?

KStew:  AGreen, I'm sure that DFan's school counselors are completely adequate, but dealing with crazies means war.  

TLaut:  YEAH.  Let's give her what she wants.  A convo with RPatz.  And then when she least expects it, well BREAK.  HER.  HEART.

They all go about coming up with a plan, yes, even AGreen came around.  It first involved an e-mail. 

RPatz has recently been sporting a beard, and well DFan was informed by this girl (we'll call her Sally) that she HATES beards.  So a mysterious e-mail arrives in Sally's inbox, with a note saying that if she doesn't quit bugging DFan, RPatz will grow a beard that's longer than Rip Van Winkle's.

She obviously didn't understand the reference, because she wrote back that she thought even RPatz looked hot in a beard.

Damn, they all thought.  So they came up with a better plan.

This plan first involved DFan pretending to befriend Sally (she's an actress, she can handle it) and getting her phone number.  Then this occurred, on the night of the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon.  RPatz was a member, and the rest of the gang was ready to put Operation Bearded Sally into action.  

RPatz:  (Making a phone call)  Sally?  This is RPatz calling from the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon.

Sally:  (Starts screaming upon hearing RPatz)  OMG!! I'm in love with you!!! And Edward!!!

RPatz hangs up.  Sally freaks out, and calls the number back immediately.  Someone else picks up.

TLaut:  Sally.  I seriously don't understand how you could be Team Edward, when Jacob is most definitely the better choice.  This is TLaut by the way.

Sally:  (Whining)  But where did RPatz go?  I wanted to talk to him.

TLaut:  Really?  I thought you wouldn't care because I heard that you and RPatz were, what was it?  "Besties?"

Sally:  Who told you that?

JRath and AGreen:  He heard it through one of us.

Sally:  Who's that?

KStew:  (Choosing her words wisely)  Anyway, Edward is mine.  MINE.

Sally:  (Getting nervous)  Bella?  I mean KStew?!?!?  What's going on?!?

TLaut:  You really thought that we weren't her friends?  How stupid are you? 

KLutz:  You just leave our little DFan alone.  Because we know where you are.  Right now. 

She hung up out of fear.  DFan went to school and the girl didn't bother her again.  She doesn't even plan on going to see Eclipse.  Ever.

*Her name may or may not have been changed.